Thursday, April 16, 2015

Job Postings & Wordsmithery



"We work closely together and put in startup hours, so you must be a team player!"


"The perfect candidate will thrive on the prospect of taking on huge challenges and will “move the needle” by driving programs through feats of flawless execution."


"5 Reasons to Work with Us:

No. 1 - Get paid for giving a shit"


"Whatever it takes" attitude and motivation to do whatever necessary to assist in closing a deal"


"Strong problem solving skills, ability to analyze complex multivariate problems and use a systematic approach to gain quick resolution, often under duress"

Lawdy Lawdy, Miz Roz


Diana Ross shows that it's possible to look sexy while eating ribs. 


Thursday, April 9, 2015

Tiptoeing Through The Tulips

"I'm writing this thing about a  housewife with a sick child and a window washer"

"What happens?"

"Nothing happens. It's about sexual chemistry. You know, finding a strange man in overalls inside your living quarters, one that scales buildings and all that."

"Why is he in the house? Is he washing the windows from the inside?"

"No, you buttock. She left the balcony door open and he came in to tell her that her apartment will be flooded if she doesn't close it. Things go from there"

"Why doesn't he just fucking close the door himself and complete the job he was hired to do?"

"Because he's Mike and that's what Mike does."

"Okay, okay. So Mikey gets in the house, then what happens?"

"I don't know how to represent their mutual attraction without adding a whole bunch of narrative type of text. Like, the housewife subtly checks out Mikey's wedding ring finger and sees that he has one, but that only makes him more attractive to her. How the fuck do I represent a thing like that in writing?"

"You don't have to be so literal about it. You could, for example, write that she sets down the child that she's carrying in its playpen while she's talking with Mike."

"Okay, so like, sub-consciously she's freeing herself up for a boning"

"Something like that. Or they could talk about something banal, like the drought, but the conversation is awkward"

"Drought as an allegory for a lack of sexy time. How original!"

"Original enough for your hackneyed plot. Maybe video is your medium"

"There is no plot, you dillhole. And yes, maybe video"