Ms. Schuyler, you are something fierce
I saw you eat two 72 ounce steaks with two baked potatoes and shrimp in 15 minutes
Your 125 pound frame held 9 pounds of cattle
That's 13% of your body weight!
I was a little turned on, a tiny bit repulsed, a little in love, but mostly in awe
You use hands like God meant humans to
Seeing you tear into that steak reminds me of a majestic wild cat feeding frenzy
I saw you eat two 72 ounce steaks with two baked potatoes and shrimp in 15 minutes
Your 125 pound frame held 9 pounds of cattle
That's 13% of your body weight!
I was a little turned on, a tiny bit repulsed, a little in love, but mostly in awe
You use hands like God meant humans to
Seeing you tear into that steak reminds me of a majestic wild cat feeding frenzy
Your surroundings seem to melt away while you eat
Watching you concentrate reminds me of a Zen monk I used to know
You answer dumb questions about women in competitive eating with a "because I can"
A better feminist icon you are than those pretentious twats who write them monologues
Ms. Molly, here's to your health and a bright future for your incredible gullet.
Sincerely,
An ardent supporter
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